How to Do a BDSM Scene From Start to Finish

How to Do a BDSM Scene From Start to Finish

A kinky BDSM scene sounds interesting but when you first begin, you have more questions than answers. Doesn’t it involve costumes, paddles, rope, and dirty talk? Do you need to go to a hotel or can you do it at home? And how do you even set one up and make it happen?

BDSM scenes aren’t nearly as complicated as they can seem. Have costumes and kinky sex toys if you want, or skip them all together. Pretend to be someone you’re not or don’t. Stay at home or go away, whatever suits you and your budget. What you do in a kinky scene is between you and your partner. Getting through the experience is less about what you do and more about how you do it.

Talk to Your Partner

Talk to Your PartnerNo kinky scene, no matter how intense or mild, can be done without consent and without knowing what your partner would like to do. Share what you’d like to try with them from handcuffs and blindfolds to a teacher/student roleplay or anything else that sounds interesting to you both. Your scene can be as simple as trying your first spanking or using a sex toy in a new and exciting way. BDSM scenes require participation and consent from everyone involved so don’t skip this step.

Make a Plan

You’ve talked to your partner, and you know what they want to try. You’ve learned their limits and the things that don’t turn them on at all. Now it’s time to make a plan for your BDSM scene. Feel free to take inspiration from erotic novels, kinky movies you’ve watched, kinky fantasies you may have, advice you’ve read, and yes, even porn. Remember that you can’t emulate the fantasy perfectly and whatever you do has to fit within your partner’s limits. But take inspiration wherever you find it.

Talk To Your Partner Again

Talk To Your Partner AgainYes, this is a repeat, but once you have a plan, you need to run it by your partner. Make sure they don’t have any objections to the toys you’d like to use. Find out if the fantasy that turns you on works for them – not everyone wants to act out what gets done in porn. Double check that they’re still interested in trying some form of BDSM. Never assume you have consent, especially when you’re trying something for the first time.

Set Up Your Scene

Today’s the day, and it’s time to get kinky. Before you put on a costume or get your partner into position, make sure you have everything you need. Lay out your paddles, floggers, handcuffs, blindfolds, or other kinky equipment so it’s within reach. When you’re new to kink and BDSM, it’s already easy to be nervous. Help yourself relax by knowing where everything is and making sure you don’t forget any of the things you want to use in your scene.

Start the Scene

Start the SceneHow a scene starts depends on you, your partner, and the scene. Maybe you text instructions like, “When you get home, get naked and meet me in the bedroom.” You might start by simply saying, “It’s time.” You may agree to a signal so your partner knows you’re about to switch gears. Sometimes, a scene begins with the first kiss or touch, and there’s no clear sign other than mutual desire.

Adapt to the Moment

No BDSM scene goes completely according to plan. Sometimes your partner can’t handle as much of the impact or bondage that you planned. Muscle cramps happen in real life, as do headaches, stomach aches, and weird mishaps in sex. Adjust and adapt to what’s happening in the moment. Don’t worry about sticking to a set script for your scene. Respond to the person in front of you, not to the fantasy in your head. Ultimately, this moment is about mutual pleasure, not about hitting your lines.

Check On Your Partner

Check On Your PartnerWhen the scene is done, and it’s ended (hopefully it ended well), before you put up the toys, check on your partner. Things might have gotten intense. They may be feeling overwhelmed by the experience. In BDSM, this is known as aftercare. Depending on the type of scene, your partner may need hugs, cuddles, and kisses, or they may need water, food, and a chance to catch their breath. You’ll also want to check in with them at some point about how they feel about the scene. Share your feelings, too. Kink and BDSM can be emotional, as well as physical. The best way to create excitement for the next scene is to make sure this one went well and that all the emotions have been processed.

Conclusion

People who are new to kink often think that a BDSM scene is labor intensive, difficult to do, and unrealistic roleplay. In reality, it’s anything you and your partner decide it is from a light spanking to full rope bondage and anything in between. The point is to experience a sexual fantasy that you haven’t tried before and to feel good on a physical and emotional level. All good scenes begin with communication and consent, and they end well when you adjust to the reality of the moment instead of trying to force the scenario you imagined in your head.